Making choices for change
Less leaps of faith, more one step at a time
Change.
One small word, feared by most of mankind.
Sending our minds spiralling into the infinite unknown, it’s easy to see why staying stuck in our comfort zones starts to seem all the more appealing.
This year I am embracing change in a small way. No bold declarations of how I’m going to quit drinking, no grand plans for my exhausting-to-even-think about new gym routine. Been there, done that. Got the ‘failed’ goals to prove it.
When we think about change, we often associate it with dramatic scenes involving big, bold leaps of faith. A la Bridget Jones quitting her job. And, while change can be drastic, like in the movies, it often happens in a much more subtle way. Coming down to the choices we make on a daily basis.
As Aristotle pointed out, we are what we repeatedly do.
The key word here is repeatedly. Going back to my gym plans. As part of the Daily Stoic New Year New You Challenge, one of the tasks was to incorporate walks and simple strength movements into each day. Why? Well, for starters you don’t need any equipment for walks, squats, push-ups or sit-ups. They can be done anywhere. Better yet, it’s entirely achievable. While 10 squats, push-ups and sit-ups might not sound like enough to constitute a workout, when you multiply that by 365 days, you’re going to see a real difference.
One of the biggest ways we set ourselves up for failure is by not considering what is sustainable. We start strong when motivation is high, but then struggle to stick with it when it’s faded. The good news is there’s no need to over-complicate change, it really is as simple as making the best possible choice day after day. Just keep showing up - no giant leaps into the infinite unknown required.
READ: Meditations for Mortals
I raved about Four Thousand Weeks in my first-ever Future You. Three years on it remains one of the more profound books I have read. So naturally, when I heard Oliver Burkeman had a new book out last year, it went straight to the top of my to-read list. Thankfully my mum also got the memo, a small parting gift as she left London to head back Down Under.
Unlike Four Thousand Weeks, I was not deterred by the cover of Meditations for Mortals however, I was intrigued by the title - was this a book of meditations?
Spoiler alert: Burkeman has not segued into meditation, well not in the formal, sitting-on-a-cushion sense anyway. Rather his latest work is designed to be read one chapter per day, across four weeks. Which has the same effect of allowing you to ‘meditate’ on the material or, as Burkeman describes it “my goal here is for whatever you might find useful in these pages to sink under your skin and into your bones - and thus persist.”
And persist it does.
With Day One titled: It’s worse than you think, Burkeman isn’t about to waste time sugar-coating reality. And why would he, after all, this is a book on the finitude of life and learning to embrace your limitations.
By Day Three, Meditations for Mortals had successfully struck a bone, shattering the illusion that we can’t make certain choices about our time as certain circumstances don’t allow it. Rather, the reality, as summarised by Sheldon B Kopp is “you are free to do whatever you like. You only need to face the consequences.”
The catch? Consequences aren’t optional. As is the nature of finitude, every choice comes with consequences - in any moment you can only pick one path and must deal with the repercussions of not picking any of the others. In other words, ‘there are no solutions only trade-offs. The only two questions, at any moment of choice in life, is what the price is, and whether or not it’s worth paying.’
On that note, I won’t try to whittle down all the wisdom packed into Meditations for Mortals, but let me give it the highest endorsement possible - when I finished reading it, I wanted to turn back to chapter one and start again.
Last month I was also lucky enough to see Oliver Burkeman interviewed by Pandora Sykes for How To Academy. Discussing Meditations for Mortals, how to make time for what counts and why we need to stop delaying ‘real life’ Sykes summarised the insightful conversation on her Substack.
EMBRACE: Adaptability
Speaking of revelations, James Clear continues to live up to his 3-2-1 newsletter’s claim of “the most wisdom per word of any newsletter on the web”, this time on the topic of consistency.
We are fed the concept that what stands between us and achieving our goals is consistency - having the discipline to show up day after day is how we make progress. But how do we maintain daily habits when, in reality, no two days are the same?
Enter Clear’s clarity: “In theory, consistency is about being disciplined, determined, and unwavering. In practice, consistency is about being adaptable. Don’t have much time? Scale it down. Don’t have much energy? Do the easy version. Find different ways to show up depending on the circumstances. Let your habits change shape to meet the demands of the day. Adaptability is the way of consistency.”
This has been a game-changer for me. A recovering perfectionist, it’s so easy to use all-or-nothing thinking as a convenient excuse for why you can’t do something. But 1% is better than 0 - and still progress. Clear’s advice reminds me of the MVP (Minimal Viable Product) concept - the simplest version of a product that still delivers value.
The same thinking can be applied to habits. Rather than writing off a whole day waiting for the perfect chunk of time to complete something, ask yourself what the minimal viable next step is to make progress on this now. Don’t have time for a workout? Do five squats. Can’t find an hour to write? How about five minutes? The point is to make progress, no matter how small, and help cement the habit of showing up each day.
To close out with more pearls of wisdom from Clear: "If you do not bend, you will break. The adaptable prevail. Determined, but flexible."
PROVERBS FOR PATIENCE: Be more like Bamboo
Last month I took part in Reframe’s January Challenge (yes, I love a New Year challenge. No, I don’t recommend doing multiple at once). Centred around making conscious choices that support change, we learnt about how bamboo grows.
Taken from Joshua Medcalf’s book Chop Wood Carry Water, the story sheds light on the process of growing bamboo. After you’ve dug up the soil, and planted the bamboo seed, you must water it every day. Despite consistent watering, you see no change above the surface for up to five years. But below the surface, an extensive foundation of roots is spreading, to prepare for the rapid growth the bamboo will experience. If you keep watering the soil, despite not seeing any signs of progress for five years, all of a sudden, the bamboo shoots up over 90 feet tall, in just six weeks.
The moral of the story? Most people want a 90-foot-tall bamboo tree without the five-year process. But without those five years of ‘invisible growth,’ the bamboo wouldn’t have a solid foundation to sustain the significant and rapid growth that results.
While growth doesn’t always take years, sustainable change does take time. Rarely do ‘overnight success’ stories exist. The reality is usually closer to bamboo, long periods of faithfully watering the seeds of change you’ve planted without much to see or show for it until one day when the roots are in place, it starts to shoot.
So, next time you’re frustrated that you’re not seeing the results as quickly as you expected or are comparing your progress to someone else’s, remember the bamboo. Trust that by continuing to show up, the change you’ve committed to is only a matter of time.
WORD OF THE MONTH: ichi-go, ichi-e
A Japanese phrase that roughly translates to ‘one time, one meeting’ or ‘for this time only’. Tracing back to the 16th century, the concept is central to the spirit of the Japanese tea ceremony: “the exquisite precision of the ritual is intended to articulate and to honour the unrepeatable, unhoardable nature of the moment in which it occurs.” Burkeman goes on to explain, “You can have a hundred tea ceremonies; you could even have them all with the same people. But you can only have that ceremony, that cup of tea, once.”
Encapsulating the idea that any moment in life cannot be repeated, ichi-go, ichi-e reminds us to cherish every moment as the once-in-a-lifetime experience it is.
CURATED CLICKS:
Anna Mackenzie’s article on the overnight success myth and why true progress comes from tiny actions taken repeatedly over an unhinged amount of time.
Another proverb for patience - I enjoyed this one from Calm about the sun and the wind and who could make a man remove his jacket more quickly.
PONDER:
“Accept that you are a work in progress, both a revision and a draft; you are better and more complete than earlier versions of yourself, but you also have work to do. Be open to change. Allow yourself to be revised.” - Maggie Smith (Poet)
I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What choices for change are you making? Let me know in the comments if you have a resource to recommend.
Best,
SJ
Really enjoyed this. As a fellow recovering perfectionist, I am trying to follow the 'done is better than perfect' mindset these days.