Edition 6
Discipline deserves a rebrand. The truth about temperance, big wants vs little wants and what not to spend six hours watching
February was a month of discipline for me. Far from being boring, self-control can offer much pleasure.
Before you roll your eyes, part of the problem is the connotations attached to these two words. Discipline sounds dull and unexciting and pleasure is often associated with desire, passion and decadence - the Hollywood depiction of what the ‘good life’ looks like.
The reality is that rarely do any of these things truly bring us joy or leave us feeling satisfied. At some point, all pleasure turns to pain - as anyone who has ever overindulged in food or drink can attest to. And, chasing a life of pleasure often leaves you being jerked around like a puppet on a string - no longer in the driver’s seat of your own life or focused on what’s really important.
But remove these labels and the truth is, that the discipline to follow your big wants will put you on the path to realising your full potential. The word pleasure comes from ‘to please’ and it is hard to imagine a way to please yourself more than to live an intentional life of composure, peace and balance. A life that empowers you to show up and go after your goals. A life that at the end of the day, you can be proud of, knowing you did your best.
Easier said than done? Read on for some ways to get started. I’ve even saved you six hours to put towards your chosen disciplines…
DON’T WATCH: Triangle of Sadness / Babylon
Deinfluencing (the act of telling followers what not to buy on social apps) is the latest trend on TikTok. Personally, I usually prefer to focus on the positive and stick to “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”. That said, having spent six hours of my life recently trapped in cinemas wondering what I’ve walked into, I hope I can save others from a similar fate.
Let’s start with Triangle of Sadness the award-winning film by Swedish Director Ruben Östlund. It was December and we were staying at the Faena in Miami. Our room happened to be opposite the onsite cinema. Returning to my room one night, a friendly man with an iPad asked if I was there for the movie screening. I was not - but that was a minor detail. I watched the trailer in my room, decided it looked funny and headed in to join the screening.
Three hours later I couldn’t escape back across the hallway fast enough. The movie starts off well. The scene from which it gets its name was by far my favourite. Spread over three parts (red flag), the descent into chaos kicks in during part two and has left me never wanting to stay overnight on a boat again. Aside from the fact it should come with a warning for scenes of a bathroom nature (another red flag), while I understand the point it was making - it was hard not to - I would have had more respect for it if it was done in a way that was slightly more subtle than the proverbial sledgehammer. At the very least, one that did not put me off eating the room service that my partner had kindly left me.
Clearly, not one to learn from my mistakes, last month I took myself to see Babylon at Selfridges Cinema. A huge Margot Robbie fan, having, again, watched the trailer I was sure I had got it right this time. Three hours later, I was eyeing the door and envying the four girls next to me who had walked out after the first 15 minutes.
Again, it started out ok, although perhaps I should have realised when it featured not one, but two, toilet scenes within the first 10 minutes - cue my neighbours exiting stage right. Rather than a descent into chaos, it was more like the movie took a wrong turn, so much so I was expecting the back end of the plot to be a bad dream. Spoiler alert: it was not. For what appeared to be the moral of the story - Hollywood and movies play an integral role in society - I could have done with the less grotesque, abbreviated version. As those of us who were still there when the end credits rolled, scrambled to get out of there as fast as possible, I was not left with warm thoughts toward Hollywood.
Different movie, same story. There seems to be a trend with movies at the moment to make them as in your face as possible. From where I sit, there is nothing clever about this. It is much harder, and therefore, more impressive to be able to communicate a message in a more subtle way. Secondly, no movie needs to be three hours - it’s called editing. In the words of Warren Buffet: knowing what to leave out is just as important as knowing what to focus on.
That said, there is one very good reason to spend six hours of your life watching these two movies - they are the perfect example of what happens when you do not live a life of self-control, focused on fulfilling your potential.
IMPLEMENT: Big Wants
There is a lot of conflicting advice thrown at us on a daily basis. Even the things we want can often be conflicting. We want to save money, but we also want to travel the world. We want to prioritise our health and fitness but also love to socialise and try new restaurants.
While part of the solution is to look at your goals holistically to ensure that they aren’t dragging you in competing directions (with the end result of going nowhere), another lightbulb moment for me last month was big vs little wants.
Little wants are really ‘don’t wants’. The lazy me never wants to get up at 6am - preferring to crawl back into bed until it’s at least light outside. Likewise, I rarely want to floss or resist the temptation of a second coffee. I’d rather watch TV than read and I’d much prefer to go out and be social than sit down and write in my spare time.
But these little wants only lead us further away from our goals, to procrastination, disappointment and a lack of self-respect.
Big wants are what we really want. They are connected to our values and desire to live up to our potential. I really want to give myself time in the morning to read, write and meditate. I really want to be able to sleep well at night without tossing and turning because I’ve had too much caffeine. I really want to be fit and healthy and spend as little time at the dentist as possible. You get the picture.
Big wants are more authentic than little wants. They set you up for success and are absolutely worth the discipline needed to make them a reality. So, next time you feel the pull of your warm bed, the temptation of sweets or alcohol or the desire to turn on the TV rather than exercise, stop and ask yourself - is this a little or a big want?
DO TRY THIS AT HOME: Late-to-the-Party Lent
Whether you’re religious or not, there is something to be said for Lent. To tie in with my focus on discipline, I’ve been reading Ryan Holiday’s latest book - Discipline is Destiny. In one chapter, he explains how Dwight Eisenhower went from a 38-year habit of smoking three to four packs of cigarettes a day to quitting cold turkey. Not because anyone told him to, but because he saw it as his duty to protect and master his body.
This is one example of many, all highlighting that no one can be free when they have lost ‘the freedom to abstain’. The majority of us are under the power of one thing or another and, socially acceptable or not, the habit is less important than what we’re really quitting - the dependency.
Back to Lent. It’s a great time to check in with how the first two months of the year have started, what isn’t serving you and where you can choose to take back control. Despite being a bit late to the party (it's now 30, not 40 days) I’ve decided to give up sugar, ordering take out and complaining. What would you like to free yourself from?
PONDER:
“Those who live the fast and easy life miss something too - they fail to fully realize their own potential. Discipline isn’t deprivation…it brings rewards.” - Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday
If there is one takeaway from February and my month focused on discipline, it is the liberation you feel when you stop prescribing to external pressures and recalibrate to what matters most to you. I have yet to feel a greater sense of satisfaction than when I make time to work towards my ambitions or make myself proud. The journey to self-mastery is arguably never-ending, but at least it’s fulfilling.
I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
And if you don’t (or do) watch, implement or try this at home, please share your thoughts on this month’s topics - or let me know what you’re giving up for Lent in the comments below.
Best,
SJ