I was planning to write about failure this month - a nice follow-up to last month’s topic of redefining success. But, with the eclipse season in April and having attended a few workshops recently, I felt compelled to focus on the biggest theme in my life right now - liberation.
A bold word, this year I have made a significant mindset shift. It all began when I attended a workshop at Re:Mind on New Year’s Day. Bonus points for dragging myself out of bed after a late night watching the fireworks, thankfully it was well worth the early start.
Working through what we wanted to release from the previous year, we then considered what we needed going into 2024. With the overarching theme for me to let go of fear, worry, resistance, struggle and doubt, to embrace belief, intuition, abundance, hope and openness, it was dawning on me that maybe I made things harder for myself than they needed to be.
Constantly striving, grasping, clawing my way forward - for a long time I believed that the more I could control, the better things would be. But, after 34 years of desperately pursuing my ideas of how my life should be, I was exhausted and finally realised that maybe there was a better way.
Based on these two lists, we chose a word for the year. As I shared last month, my word is heart - chosen because I want to connect with my intuition more to follow my heart. To let my dreams lead rather than my fears and be open to things beyond my limited imagination.
But, mindset doesn’t change overnight - especially not when it's deeply engrained for 30-plus years! Rather, it’s required me to release my previous MO of struggle and embrace the idea of effortless flow. No easy feat, it is belief - both in myself and the Universe - that has been central to this new way of thinking. Amor Fati, the Stoics call it, ‘a love of fate’.
Everything happens for a reason.
What is meant to be, will always find a way.
You are exactly where you’re meant to be.
Trust the process.
Whichever way you want to say it, life is much easier when you believe in something bigger than yourself. Not only does it make sense - we are specs of dust in the scheme of things - but putting your faith in a higher power helps you to finally get out of your own way and call on a force much more powerful than control.
Far from a negative, while surrender isn’t easy, the liberation and serenity that lie on the other side far outweigh the challenge.
READ: Outrageous Openness
It was the title of this book that first intrigued me. While the cover is a bit ‘woo-woo’, reading the sample on Kindle, I was immediately drawn to Toscha Silver’s engaging and accessible writing. Where many books on spirituality can be condescending or make you feel like an outsider, Toscha encourages her readers to keep an open mind, with the underlying message that anyone can experience a more effortless life, if they’re willing to shift their mindset.
Discussing her own journey, Toscha explains that “at some indeterminate point, perhaps more from exhaustion than evolution, I pretty much gave God control. And though problems still come, solutions usually follow in fresh and novel ways.”
It doesn’t have to be God either. What you choose to believe in is less relevant. A cornerstone of religion, philosophy and AA alike, the key benefit comes from having faith that a higher force is at play guiding the way.
It is the last part of her experience that really hit home for me, however. Since shifting my mindset and choosing to believe that the Universe has my back, life has been much easier. As Toscha explains, yes there are still problems, but there are also solutions that resolve these more effortlessly than when I was desperately trying to strong-arm them myself.
So, why not try? According to Toscha “moving through the world open to constant help gets easier and easier with practice.” And if you’re not happy with the results - she points out that you can always go back to your limiting beliefs and mindset!
I doubt you will. After reading the book, packed full of anecdotes proving how these spiritual lessons play out for her clients and friends, it’s safe to say I’m a believer.
SPIKY POV: Anti-Purpose
The other week in my writing course, we were introduced to the concept of a spiky point of view. Coined by Wes Kao, a spiky point of view is a perspective others can disagree with. It’s a belief you feel strongly about and are willing to advocate for.
This month, I had the privilege of attending Elizabeth Gilbert’s two-day workshop at The Royal Geographical Society in London. Based on her book, Big Magic, the workshop brought to life the concept of creative living beyond fear.
One of the more authentic and generous humans you will meet, Elizabeth bounded onto the stage on Saturday morning, filling the room with her openness and warmth, to announce that this was not a workshop on finding your purpose.
She explained the anxiety many of us face thanks to society's push to uncover our purpose. The thing that only you can do, despite the fact there are eight billion people on the planet!
Instead, Elizabeth introduced the idea of anti-purpose. Suggesting that life is not a mystery to be solved, but to be lived. That not everyone is meant to change the world.
Pointing out it’s hard to be present when you’re gunning for purpose, if we remove the culturally induced fear that life needs to be ‘more’, we can consider that our ‘purpose’ in life is simply to experience the world. Isn’t that enough?
WORD OF THE MONTH: Aparigraha
In Sanskrit, a primary sacred language in the religions of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism, the word aparigraha means ‘non-grasping’.
Often translated as ‘non-greed’, ‘non-possession’ and ‘non-attachment’, it is the opposite of ‘parigrah’. The word ‘graha’ means to take, seize, or grab, ‘pari’ means ‘on all sides’ and the prefix ‘a’ negates the word itself, meaning ‘non’. Altogether, the word Aparigraha means not taking more than needed.
In a society that often encourages us to chase, force and cling to our desires, aparigraha offers an alternative. Release this struggle and move through the world with an open hand and heart.
DO TRY THIS AT HOME: Powerless Lists
Of all the exercises we did at the Big Magic workshop (I have 30+ pages of notes), it was the one that almost wasn’t included that I found the most powerful. During the Q&A session at the end of day two, one woman asked Elizabeth Gilbert what surrender meant and if she had any advice on the subject.
And thank goodness she did. Elizabeth defined surrender as admitting what you’re powerless over. She then asked us to write down 10 things we are powerless over. A few of mine were: how long I live, how long my family live, how I die, whether other people like/love me, what other people think of my work, the weather…
Elizabeth explained that our ego wants control and power and doesn’t understand surrender, as powerlessness is always associated with negativity. Next, we had to list 10 things we are powerless over that are beautiful. For me, some of these were: how happy the sunshine makes me, the smell of fresh coffee, the sound of rain on the window/roof, the calming effect of the ocean and my excitement when I see Pomeranians in the park.
By practising surrendering to beauty, it gets easier to surrender to the harder things like death and the unknown. In life, we have much less control than we like to admit. As this exercise shows, this includes both the good and the bad.
We think we know what’s best for us and that if we can control the outcome we will get to where we need to. However, so often we end up somewhere different only to realise that it’s much better than what our limited imagination had in mind.
Whether or not we choose to accept our powerlessness, life will go the way it wants to. But, by surrendering to creation, we make it much less painful for ourselves. After all, everything is easier when you’re in alignment.
CURATED CLICKS:
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic book. I have read this multiple times and always come back to it. Not just for creatives - this is a beautifully written resource on not letting your fears hold you back.
Better yet, why not catch Elizabeth Gilbert on her world tour? She’s running keynote evenings and workshops through February 2025. Her workshop was the best thing I did in 2024, and yes I’m aware it’s only April.
While researching aparigraha, I came across this blog post about its true yogic meaning and the benefits of practising non-attachment.
As part of my desire to reconnect with my intuition, I enjoyed this CNN article on how athletes strengthen theirs.
PONDER:
In the spirit of National Poetry Month, I wanted to share two poems I wrote at Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic workshop. Proof that anyone can create poetry, this was an exercise in highlighting our key takeaways from the weekend, listing the top 10 and then picking five to arrange into a poem.
I loved it so much, I did one for each day. The most beautiful part was hearing others read their poems aloud - they were all so unique - individually curated to share exactly what we needed to hear.
A Magical Life
Don’t anchor your trust in others.
Life is not a mystery to be solved, but to be lived.
What if your spirit already knows that your purpose in life is to experience the world?
Heart as a compass.
The only thing that can stop you from living an enchanted life is yourself.
Magic is the thing that wants to happen next.
Liberation
Surrender is admitting what you’re powerless over.
Every death is a liberation.
Release the outcome. It is always what makes us suffer.
Everything is easier when you’re in alignment.
Creativity is a birthright.
Don’t deny yourself this opportunity.
I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you have surrendered to or accepted you are powerless over in the comments below.
Best,
SJ