Welcome to September’s Future You.
Back by popular demand (mainly from my Dad), as some of you may have noticed, I decided to skip my August send. This wasn’t because I didn’t have anything to say - I had two themes developing in my mind - rather that sometimes it’s better to pause and take stock. Reflect on what you're doing and why you’re doing it, instead of continuing to add to the noise in an increasingly overloaded world.
Summer is the perfect time to reflect. Regardless of which hemisphere you live in, whether it’s August or January, summer affords the luxury of time. Whether you’re lucky enough to go on a holiday, or just relish the perks that come with the majority of others being OOO - combined with the longer daylight hours, the end result is more opportunities to carve out time for yourself.
For me, this meant finding myself soaking in the picturesque landscape of Jackson and thinking about identity. A big topic, on the one hand - when it comes to identity there’s a lot to unpack. Yet on the other, some of the things we choose to define ourselves by can be downright comical. But the identities we adopt and the stories we tell ourselves are not just words. Our identity is at the core of who we are, our inner compass, guiding our thoughts, choices, actions and habits. When we adopt an identity, associated behaviours naturally follow.
As we approach the final 100 days of 2023 (Friday 22nd September if you’re counting), I encourage you to consider what constitutes your identity. Do the labels you associate with still define you? Or are the stories you tell yourself no longer serving you? It is never too late to change. Life is a constant journey back to your true self. The first step is cultivating enough stillness to reconnect with your inner beliefs and values.
Read on for some resources to inspire and support evaluating identity - no existential crisis required.
READ: I Didn’t Do the Thing Today
I’m a sucker for a good productivity book. With an (arguably unhealthy) obsession with maximising my time, over the years I’ve tried everything from crawling out of bed at 5am, countless to-do lists, using the Pomodoro timer, habit stacking and scheduling my entire day in my Google calendar... I’m exhausted just thinking about it!
Which is why I was so intrigued when I came across Madeleine Dore. A fellow Melbournian, I first heard Madeleine interviewed by London Writers' Salon, speaking about her career and book. What began as a passion project in 2014, when Madeleine, having just graduated from her degree, began to interview friends about their days, resulted in Extraordinary Routines. A decade later, Madeline has interviewed over 100 people including Oliver Burkeman, Pandora Sykes and Sarah Wilson on her quest for the ideal routine.
While many authors would use this extensive research to proclaim themselves as an expert on routines, right from the get-go Madeline admits she doesn’t have it all figured out. Rather, I Didn’t Do the Thing Today is a cumulation of lessons, thoughts, perspectives and insights from all of her conversations. In case the name itself isn’t relatable enough - I can’t count the number of times I didn’t do the thing today - Madeleine draws you in with her down-to-earth ‘realness’ making both her and her book infinitely likeable.
A feel-good productivity book - perhaps the first of its kind - there are no timers, quadrants or suggestions to skip sleep and schedule your day in 15-minute blocks. Instead, I Didn’t Do the Thing Today, highlights how much of our identity can be tied to what we do or produce - the doing rather than the being.
Admitting to having drafted countless ‘ideal’ daily routines for herself, I had to laugh at the sample she shares in chapter three - appropriately titled, The hopeless search for the ideal routine. While it struck a chord with similar routines I have planned for myself, seeing it listed out, so over-ambitiously on the page, was a great reminder of how these intricately laid plans can set us up for failure.
Rather than getting entangled in elaborate rigid routines, making it tempting to write off an entire day at the first hurdle, Madeline suggests we embrace rhythm, identifying what components contribute to a ‘good’ day. These ‘anchors’ can then be incorporated flexibly into each day. By accepting the variance that comes with the ebb and flow of life, we remind ourselves we do not find the way, we are continuously creating it.
In a society that worships busyness and ‘doing’, I Didn’t Do the Thing Today is an important reminder to stop being so hard on ourselves for being human. An encouraging companion for anyone wanting to break free of measuring their worth by their accomplishments, as Madeliene shares “the most important thing is to remember that we can break the rules we have created for ourselves if they no longer fit." After all, we are so much more than our productivity.
IMPLEMENT: Take the Lesson
Most of us are so hard on ourselves. I was reminded of this recently when, having not lived up to my own (over-ambitious) standards, I found myself in a very negative headspace - largely due to the toxic thoughts poisoning my mind. Self-flagellation, doubt, anger, disappointment - the gang was all there.
Far from alone, I witness the way my family and friends similarly berate themselves when things haven’t gone to plan. Or they’ve slipped from their latest self-imposed regime, resolution or schedule. We are all 'would have, could have, should have' and honestly, how utterly unhelpful.
Of course, if we could have our time again, we would choose the best response, do things differently, “better”. But that’s not how life works. Most of the time we are caught off guard, thrown into the abyss unprepared, with our prehistoric flight, fight or freeze instincts kicking in. Again, unhelpful.
Out of our depth, we do the best we can in the situation. Which isn’t always the best we could do, but that’s where compassion and acceptance come in.
Which is why I’ve started telling myself to “take the lesson”. Because aside from the lesson, there really isn’t much use in the rest of the ruminating. The past is done. You can’t change that. But you can learn from it and move forward.
Take the lesson and let go of all the rest. No one needs excess baggage.
WATCH: Barbie
2023 is undoubtedly the year of Barbie. Impossible to go anywhere without glimpsing a bright pink reminder, even if you have been living under a rock, you’d still be aware Barbie is back.
While some parts were a little overdone for my taste, the movie does a great job of diving into the important role Barbie has played since her creation in 1959. In a world of influencers, where everyone is sharing their personal highlight reel online, Barbie is the epitome of the perfect life. But, as we see, one dream day after another begins to feel awfully similar to the nightmare of Groundhog Day.
There are a lot of themes flying around in Barbie. Perfection, empowerment, the patriarch. But for me, the overarching one was identity.
It’s hard to say which main character experiences a more significant identity crisis. Barbie is busy having an existential crisis, kicked off by the discovery of her flat feet and cellulite - sparking the question: Who she is if she isn’t perfect?
And then there's Ken. Arguably the real MVP with his Mojo Dojo Casa House. Ken is having a crisis of his own, led to believe that without Barbie he has no purpose. After all, it is Barbie and Ken.
With their journey to the real world as much a spiritual one as a physical one, they are both faced with new information, shattering the beliefs that have shaped how they perceive themselves.
No matter what world you live in, the moral of the story is clear, be careful what you base your identity on. Your worth is not determined by another person or your success. Life is far from perfect, but it is our imperfections that set us apart from others and make us unique.
DO TRY THIS AT HOME: Mushroom Coffee
When it comes to my health, there is little I won’t try. I did, however, always draw the line at giving up coffee or hot showers.
Like my Mum, my morning cup of (proper) coffee is quite often the highlight of my day - god help anyone that stands between us. It’s also a key indicator of my health - if I’m not up to prioritising it, something must really be wrong.
Which is why I even surprised myself with my latest realisation. After returning from Miami, with unusually bad jet lag, I had a few days sans beloved caffeine, which led me to the somewhat shocking revelation that maybe coffee didn’t love me as much as I loved it.
I’ve always known I’m a one-hit wonder, with too many nights of average sleep teaching me that caffeine post-midday is not for me. However, I could now also see how it made me jittery and over-stimulated in the mornings.
Quite possibly the closest I’ve come to having a Barbie-style breakdown, being a coffee snob is such a crucial part of my identity, I wondered who I was without it?!
Rather than going cold turkey, thankfully I was able to reach a happy medium with the discovery of mushroom coffee. Before you exit this browser in disgust, let me remind you, that you’re in the safe hands of a coffee snob here.
Having seen a promotion for MUD\WTR, one highly regarded brand which, it turns out, is hard to source in the UK, I dove into the world of mushroom coffee on Google. With a plethora of brands in the market, there are two key differentiators: with or without caffeine, and instant or beans.
The criteria were clear to me: I was after one with proper coffee. This is how I ended up with a bag of Four Sigmatic Balance - organic half caf coffee on my doorstep.
I would be lying if I said I had high hopes, although I was encouraged by their tagline “tastes like coffee, not like mushrooms”. Ignoring my partner's taunts including this unhelpful video, the following Monday morning I spooned the ground product into the Portafilter and thought here goes nothing.
To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement. Not only did it not taste like mushrooms but I honestly couldn’t taste the difference to my preferred brew.
What I did notice however, was that I didn’t experience that jittery, over-stimulated feeling coffee can give. And there was no mid-morning or afternoon slump. Rather I felt, as the name suggests, balanced. And while my stress did not magically disappear - they aren’t magic mushrooms - I was less scattered and more able to maintain a sense of cool collectedness.
All this to say, maybe you want to try mushroom coffee at home. I’ve done the hard yards with the research and testing and can highly recommend Four Sigmatic. I guess that now makes me a half caf mushroom coffee snob.
PONDER:
“Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity." - Atomic Habits, James Clear
That's it for this month. I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on reconnecting with your true self or amusing identity traits in the comments below.
Best,
SJ