Edition 20
Curiosity didn’t kill me. - The cat
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Universe laughing at me and my plans.
Last month, I wrangled six months' worth of thinking about and facing my fears into a handy dandy action plan in the hope it would be helpful to others.
Fast forward a week and a half, to the terrifying footage of a passenger plane spiralling to its demise in Brazil, and a particularly ‘sporty’ flight back from Frankfurt to LHR. All box-breathing and other techniques flew out the window, resulting in my poor seat neighbour in 8B miming breathing motions and gesturing to his lucky horseshoe necklace*.
That’ll teach me to write about fear!
As someone who’s just earned themselves a one-way ticket to BA’s Flying with Confidence course, I share this not to harp on about fear, but to highlight that we rarely ever master these skills.
Growth is the proverbial journey. Unlike school or university, there is no destination where you can bin the books and throw your hat in the air over a certificate.
Rather, in life, it’s a constant commitment to keep trying. Just when you think you’re on top of something, the Universe will bring you back down to earth (sometimes literally) and you’ll need to dust off those books and get back to learning.
Future You was founded on this philosophy of doing your best, knowing full well there is no destination, just the journey. A creative exploration of life, two years on from when I hit send on my first edition, it seems fitting that I’m back where it all began. With curiosity…
…which just so happens to be the opposite of fear.
While fear propels us away from things, curiosity encourages us to lean in and move towards them. The uncertainty remains, but we’ve sprinkled the trepidation with intrigue and, perhaps, even some excitement.
As someone who has to coax themselves back onto another flight tomorrow, I too, am sceptical about forcing my mind into feeling excited about the experience. But I can probably muster up enough curiosity to at least see it as an experiment.
After all, as Ralph Waldon Emerson said, “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
*I did feel somewhat less embarrassed to note he was also gripping the seat in front as we ricocheted onto the runway at LHR.
READ: Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come
Recently, I learnt the proper classifications for introvert and extrovert. Turns out that it’s less about being shy or outgoing, and more about where you get your energy from. As someone who values personal space and is recharged by downtime, peace and quiet, this makes me an introvert. So it’s no surprise that I was immediately drawn to the title of
’s book.The thing about being an introvert, however, is it can be a great excuse to never leave the house. As appealing as this may sound to some, unfortunately, at some point, this invariable leads to your life shrinking.
For Jessica, this rude awakening came while sitting in a sauna, fully clothed, trying to win a free gym membership. Thankfully mine was more of a subtle realisation, brought on by deeply relating to her book.
Following the sauna scenario, Jessica embarked on a year-long experiment to open up her world to other people and see if she enjoyed a bigger life. Coined ‘An Introvert’s Year of Living Dangerously’, many of the experiences Jessica undertook did indeed feel dangerous - Bumble for friends, stand-up comedy and booking a mystery trip. So much so, in most chapters, I found myself grateful that she was taking one for the team and I was allowed to hide behind my Kindle, absorbing her wisdom from a safe distance.
Equal parts engaging and hilarious, Pan’s book is packed full of;
cracking one-liners: “More than one British person has told me that only Americans and unhinged people talk to strangers.” (Add Australians to that list).
hard-hitting questions: “Where do selfish, godless, lazy people go to make friends?”
and fun facts: “Brené Brown calls these friends ‘move a body’ friends. You know. The people you call when you accidentally murder somebody.”
But at the heart of it, is the important truth that when you allow yourself to be defined, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s one thing to accept who you are, but it’s another to not challenge your fears or push yourself to try new things.
In my gusto to embrace my new title of introvert, I realised I was actually limiting myself. Ruling things out before I had a chance to consider if it could be a new experience worth trying.
Thankfully, Jessica’s book found me before I ended up in a sauna in my tracksuit. It even inspired me to say yes to a spontaneous two-night trip to Ibiza to join friends at a club and listen to electro dance music. So not my scene. But, in the spirit of keeping an open mind, off me and my earplugs went. And, while it was no Taylor Swift, I didn’t hate it.
Introvert or extrovert, if you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or that it’s time to make some changes, I can highly recommend Jessica’s book. If books aren’t your thing (see above note about limiting yourself) she also has Substack.
IMPLEMENT: Follow the thread
As someone who believes in a higher power (the Universe), I love the concept of synchronicity. The idea that coincidence is more than just chance, most of us have experienced thinking about someone/thing, only to then have an encounter with them/it.
Fate. A sign from the universe. However you want to interpret it, for the past year I have tried to capture as many of these moments as possible - noting them down as part of my weekly check-ins. After all, if there are no coincidences, then surely these moments are worth paying attention to.
Before I get too woo woo on you (I’ve managed to make it to 35 without owning any sage sticks) it was a line from
’s book Bittersweet that brought this concept to life for me: “Our task is to gather up these fragments whenever we find them.”As creative beings, we all have flashes of inspiration or ideas that come to us. I like to think of these as ‘sparks’ or ‘threads’ and, as Susan suggests in Bittersweet, I’ve started to gather and try to follow them.
I am writing this edition of Future You from Ischia, or Isola Verde (Green Island). A front-runner on my bucket list for the past three years, I’ve finally ended up at Botania Relais & Spa which feels very fitting given a recent thread I have been following about nature and gardens. The sound of piano floats through the garden, courtesy of a fellow guest (thankfully a talented one), another breadcrumb from the Universe after just this morning, listing piano as something I’d like to learn one day.
Not all threads will be as long as others or lead somewhere. But, at the very least, it’s interesting what can come up when you create enough space and awareness to connect to and pursue them.
So get curious about those fragments and follow those threads…you never know when one might lead you to an Italian Island.
DO TRY THIS AT HOME: For the sake of it
As long-time Future You readers will know, I am a paid-up member of London Writers’ Salon (LWS). An integral part of why I’m still publishing Future You two years later, and on Substack, over the summer they hosted a Creative Joy ‘journey’.
A sucker for an appealing title (as you’re probably realising by now) they had me and creativity and joy. I mean who couldn't use more joy in their life?!
Anyway, back to the journey. Each of the seven weeks had a theme and we were given related prompts to help spark reflection and an action item. On Wednesdays, we could gather to discuss the theme, and finally, on Fridays, we shared something from the week - be it our thoughts or actions.
But what we were really given was a space to explore.
As kids, we are encouraged to be curious, to ask questions, and to give things a go. Play doesn’t demand a purpose.
But as we age, playtime diminishes, replaced by productivity and expectations. Suddenly, everything has become serious - overly focused on purpose and outcome.
For me, it was painting. As I shared last month, I have been curious about painting for approximately two years. As is often the case, it was fear that prevented me from giving it a go. Overly focused on the outcome, my ego worried I wouldn’t be good at it, while my adult mind wanted a justification for the time and money. Talk about a joy kill (n - similar to buzzkill).
Why are we like this? And since when did every hobby need to have a purpose or drive a profit?
Thankfully, the safe space that Summer of Creative Joy provided allowed me to push past this, to finally live out my painting dreams. With experimentation actively encouraged, I realised I didn’t need to be good at everything. Rather, it is possible to just do things for the sake of it.
In fact, this is the same mindset that helped to launch LWS in 2020. Co-founder
shared how he and Parul simply committed to giving it a go for two weeks. Four years on, I and the thousands of other writers they support, are sure glad they did!As Matt pointed out, “When we experiment we open ourselves up to the idea that we don’t know the answer.”
A mindset I am trying to keep beyond summer, it’s one I encourage us all to adopt. With that, and my newfound love for prompts, I wanted to leave you with the following:
What would you try if you didn’t need to be good at it?
Whatever your answer, I dare you to do it, for the sake of it.
CURATED CLICKS:
Poet
’s Pep Talk posts have been sparking so much joy - especially this one on RECKLESS ABANDON.At the centre of curiosity is being inquisitive - but how do you make sure you are asking the right questions? Greg McKeown shared an article by Big Think on exactly that in his 1-Minute-Wednesday newsletter.
I am very much on the sober curious train and adored this piece Coco Mellors penned for Vogue on getting sober in her 20s. Her new book, Blue Sisters is next on my reading list.
As part of Summer of Creative Joy I enjoyed working with prompts and the insights that followed. Something I’d like to continue to explore,
includes weekly prompts to pose to love.Speaking of asking the right questions, Tim Ferriss shared a thought-provoking article from Mark Manson on The Most Important Question of Your Life.
PONDER:
“If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.” - Walt Whitman
I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
And, I’d love to hear what threads you are following at the moment, or anything you do for the sake of it, in the comments below.
Best,
SJ
Ahhhh thank you so much for reading!!!! And what a fantastic post - I've been meaning to check out London Writer's Salon for ages!! xx